Fighting, Forgiving and Forgetting

by Michael Webb

Most couples fight. And no, it is not healthy for a relationship to fight (nor is it healthy to ignore problems in your marriage). I need to define 'fight.' Fighting is not the same as arguing your point or disagreeing on a matter. You can argue or disagree without losing your temper or fighting. It becomes a fight when either tempers flare or one person intentionally tries to hurt the other, usually emotionally.

But the fight itself is not usually what is the most damaging to a relationship. Like a wound that is not properly cleaned and bandaged, injuries from a fight, if left uncared for can become infected and even have the potential to kill a relationship.

You have probably heard of cases where men or women had a simple infection that they ignored that eventually caused them to have a foot, leg or arm aputated. Ingoring the wounds from a fight can have devasting results.

If you and your partner have had a fight, here are some ways you can 'clean and bandage' the wounds so that healing will take place:

* It takes two to fight. So if you have any injuries you are partly to blame. There are rarely 'innocent' victims. Admit the role you played. Try to be the first to say 'I'm sorry' for your part in the fight, either provoking it or responding to it.

* Deal with the wound as soon as is possible (before you go to bed). The longer you let an injury remain wide open, the greater the chances of the hurt becoming infected and the more pronounced the scar will become.

* Create a peace treaty. (more on this idea in my book, 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships, http://www.theromantic.com/50secrets.htm )

* Don't fixate on the ugly wound. Focus on (write down if possible) the wonderful qualities of your mate. It is easier to forgive those you think highly of.

* Actively love the person you just fought with, even if it is the last thing you want to do. Write love notes, slow dance, make passionate love, etc. Love is a wonderful ointment that speeds up the healing process.

* Pray (together if at all possible) about the situation. Ask God to heal you of your imperfections and to heal the pain you have caused. Don't ask God to 'fix' the other person.

* Once you have cleaned and bandaged a wound, forget about it. Don't be tempted to keeping peeking at the injury - it will only slow down the healing.

Something to think about...

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About the Author: Michael Webb is Best-selling author, The RoMANtic's Guide: Hundreds of Creative Tips for a Lifetime of Love Founder, National Resurrect Romance Week (second week in August) Syndicated Columnist, 'The RoMANtic'
You can visit The RoMANtic's Guide online at TheRomantic.com

Michael Webb is also the author of:

1000 Questions for Couples

500 Lovemaking Tips & Secrets

300 Creative Dates

The Romantic's Guide to Popping the Question

50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships

A Better Way To Date
 
   
 
   
 
   
 
   
 
   
 
   
 
   
 
   
 
   
 
   
 
   
 
   

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